Radiation Wisdom: Arrive Early and Borrow From Bossie

This weekend marked the half-way point in my radiation treatments. Aside from causing a little tiredness, the treatments are more of a recurring episode in my daily routine than anything else. Every weekday, I drive 15 minutes to the hospital, always with the goal of arriving promptly for my 10:10 a.m. slot. If I can be gowned and seated in the waiting room by then, I'm usually on my way back to the parking lot by 10:25 a.m. If I arrive a little late, however, I'm likely to wait 20 minutes for my turn.

Another patient, Frank, who is in his seventies, is scheduled five minutes after me, but his treatment lasts much longer than mine. Frank and his wife always arrive early, which makes me the wild card for the technicians. Their daily quandry: Will Cathleen arrive on time this morning, so we can squeeze her in before Frank's treatment? Or should we just take Frank because he's gowned and ready to go 15 minutes ahead of schedule?

If I have to compete with people who are habitually early, I'll lose every time. Because I have window in which to start a project before I go to the hospital, I get drawn into that activity, and leave the house too late to allow for contingencies, such as lingering traffic from the morning commute, or the off ramp for the hospital being closed. Don't think I'm complaining here. Compared to the unpleasantness of chemo, radiation is a walk in the park. I just need to remember to bring a book -- or (is it possible?) get out the door a few minutes earlier.

While radiation is considerably easier on the patient, most people do suffer from its side effect of red and irritated skin. To counter this, doctors recommend a cream that carries the following language on the jar:

Directions for Use: Wash udder and teat parts thoroughly with clean water and soap before each milking to avoid contamination of milk. Apply to the udder after each milking, massaging into the skin.
Warning: Do not use on parts affected with cow pox.

Yes, this cream, called "Udderly Smooth," is for cows and is manufactured by Redex Industries in Salem, Ohio. But Udderly Smooth is no ordinary animal product. This little lotion has a whole life beyond the dairy farm. The company's website, http://www.uddercream.com/, has a subsection labeled "oncology," which discusses using the cream for skin problems associated with cancer treatments and diabetes. People also report using it to remove make-up, relieve sunburn, prevent skin cracking in winter, and alleviate chaffing when hiking and cycling. Even quilters praise the cream because it doesn't make their hands greasy, and thus cause stains on their fabrics. Best of all, a 12-ounce jar costs less than $5.00.

So, armed with an ample supply of cow cream, I have only 18 treatments to go. And that's udderly marvelous.